You just made me feel so damn special
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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