if you like me you must not know who I am
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
