hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
