: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
