found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
