We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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