I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
