I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
