Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
