Me too!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
