The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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