Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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