So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
