So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
