today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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