The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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