Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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