I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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