She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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