I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
