I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
