But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
