dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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