Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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