Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize