When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
