I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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