I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
