I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
