I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
