I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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