This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
