I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
