is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
