capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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