My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just gargled with NyQuil
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
