He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
