Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize