Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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