he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
