And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize