Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
