he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
