Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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