in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
