Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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