ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
