Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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