Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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