what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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