Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
