Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
