I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
