Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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