she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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