I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
