You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
