Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
