say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
