you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's Friday. Sex?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
