i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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