I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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