sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
