This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
