I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
