As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
