she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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