I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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